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NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENS TO ME

by weatherfield

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geth
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m. w. h.
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peyton
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/
1.
end of nights 02:37
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the names and places fade into one i haven't heard of a single one i stare out the window space out to a sufjan song and i ask myself is this where i'm headed? i'll break my legs and i'll carve my arms all these impulses that i'll never act on but they roll around in my head. i need to do something i'm not supposed to do like when i was a kid walk out of school and straight into traffic at least i wish i did i'm tired of writing about the same damn things i found G-d and i moved past that shit at least i thought i did i don't have anything to write about anymore i tell myself "nothing bad ever happens to me" "nothing bad ever happens to me" (happens to me) (there's no darkness) "nothing bad ever happens to me" (there's no darkness) (there's no darkness) nothing bad ever happens to me there's no darkness, there's only night there's no darkness, there's only light there's no darkness, there's only bright the end of days and the end of nights walking into totality with arms wide open we'll never know, we'll never know and even if we did there's not the words to explain it
2.
more or less 04:06
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i'm optimistic that things'll go badly i just know it cus i've been here before i keep falling and i'm running on empty i'm hoping life'll maybe even the score well they say that loss and gain is the same but irregardless can i get a little gain for a change? or just something that looks like it? maybe something that looks just like it more or less more or less i'm falling down again (again, again) i just want you to make the decisions GT-R drifting right off a cliff i can't believe i almost said that i wanted this i felt bad when it happened all i wanted was to say that it was beautiful but now i know that it was good and it was beautiful i can make things happen with the power of my words i can make things happen with my pleas and my words it's not a problem yet it's not a problem yet it's not a problem yet! i'm optimistic that things'll go badly i just know it cus i've been here before i keep falling and i'm running on empty i'm hoping life'll maybe even the score well they say that loss and gain is the same but irregardless can i get a little gain for a change?
3.
postcard 03:54
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you're still running around you're still searching for something and you're hoping but you don't know where you're going to i wanna see a postcard i wanna see an idealised version of the way that you're living without me the subject's gonna change now so watch out i wanna spend the summer with you i wanna spend the summer with you i wanna spend the summer with you i wanna watch the world go by i wanna watch the world go by i hate when i'm happy cus i know that i'm just gonna crash i've been obsessed with balance since i was a kid i've been obsessed with balance since i was a kid who's excited for the crash now? who's excited for the crash down? who's excited for the crash down? but please stick around i promise it'll be entertaining at the very least
4.
jerusalem girls 02:11
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come with me i can show you something there's a clearing and when you're there you disappear come with me i can show you something there's a river and it flows endlessly away
5.
i think that's good 03:35
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i'm tired i gotta admit it my tongue is dry and i'm feeling light-headed i guess (we won't ever see the light and i'm starting to feel like it's just not worth the fight) we won't ever see the light i'm starting to feel like it's pointless to fight we won't ever see the light (i'm starting to feel like it's pointless to fight) i'm starting to feel like it's pointless to fight i'm inflicted with i don't know what yet all i can tell you is i'm not enjoying it everyday is a comedown followed by a high i guess i'll be like this til the day that i die i don't know if i even still want to die (we won't ever see the light) I'M STARTING TO FEEL LIKE IT'S JUST NOT WORTH THE FIGHT THERE'S NO GUARANTEE THAT I'LL GET BETTER IF IT'S EVEN POSSIBLE TO GET BETTER I'M SCARED OF CHANGE AND I'M SCARED TO LOSE IT I'M SCARED OF CHANGE AND I'M SCARED TO LOSE IT (I'M SCARED OF CHANGE AND I'M SCARED TO LOSE IT) MAYBE I DON'T WANNA GET BETTER (I'M SCARED OF CHANGE AND I'M SCARED TO LOSE IT) MAYBE I DON'T EVEN WANNA GET BETTER (I'D RATHER LOSE IT THAN LOSE MYSELF) I'M SCARED OF CHANGE AND I'M SCARED TO LOSE IT I'M SCARED OF CHANGE AND I'M SCARED TO LOSE IT I'D RATHER LOSE IT THAN LOSE MYSELF THAN LOSE MYSELF THAN LOSE MYSELF right, i think that's good.
6.
shortwave 03:05
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i used to be just like you seeing signs in everything, i couldn't fall asleep at night felt like a shortwave numbers station without purpose or direction just an endless barrage of code i couldn't understand it if i wanted to believe me, i wanted to just wanted to be someone special wanted something to set me apart i wanted to tell a prophecy i wanted to be close to the Incomprehensible time's disappearing in front of my eyes there's not even the time to ask why
7.
beating heart 04:05
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it's not much of a greeting but i don't have much to say i could tell you how i'm feeling you wouldn't listen anyway build up the strength and the courage (the courage) to tell you what i think throw it all by the wayside it's all gone in a blink if you know where you're going well at least that's a start i've lost it all but my mind so be still my beating heart don't have the strength to look forward i don't want to look back i could learn from my mistakes or i could carry the same path it's all black, it's all black, it's all black, it's all black like a burden on my back if you get- (it's all black) if you get rid of all my sins i don't know what i would have left all the promises i've broken all the ones i haven't kept all the lies that i've told cus the truth i just forget if you know where you're going well at least that's a start i've lost it all but my mind so be still my beating heart don't have the strength to look forward i don't want to look back (don't have the strength to look forward or the courage to look back) if you know where you're going well at least that's a start i've lost it all but my mind so be still my beating heart
8.
weatherfield & deaddigital, inc. - trust 03:36
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if i told you that i loved you, would you tell me if i say it too much? and if i told you what goes on in my head, would you still pretend that you see something in me? i can't trust anyone around me 777 333 it keeps repeating can't trust anyone around me and the driving snow can't drive me home soon enough i'm unfulfilled and i'm finding every day that i'm losing my ability to trust i'm losing my ability to love i think i lost it
9.
lessendlessness 05:13
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we've come this far and then you leave we've come this far and then there's someone else we've come this far and then you leave i remember when the other guy died i was sat in my brother's room looking out of the window in the dark (playing songs from carrie and lowell) (wishing so bad it was) a bad dream that i'd wake up from and i remember that summer is when i learned to love the glow, pt. 2 because up until then i'd never lost something serious before something that mattered enough it took me a long time to make peace with the fact that i live where i live and i know who i know and i guess i'm real after all (after all) it's all such a foreign idea to me that love of life can be constructed out of nothing i don't know why i lie and say that you left me. it feels like the loving you left me before anything else happened. i guess that's why i say it after all (after all) i feel like the fake me left you i still feel like the real me belongs to you i still feel like we talk everyday and you tell me to listen to arthur russell and show me the body and whatever the fuck else i'm just like you i was just like you i was just like you i'm just like you if i'm not you then i'm nothing i'm nothing if i'm not you (i'm nothing at all) if i'm not you then i'm nothing i'm nothing at all if i'm not you then i'm nothing (i'm nothing if i'm not you) i'm nothing if i'm not you i'm nothing at all i'll be whatever you make me i'll be whatever you make me (lie and betray me, hate me, play me) i'll be whatever you make me (lie and betray me, hate me, play me) lie and betray me, hate me, play me i'll be whatever you make me i'll be whatever you make me (lie and betray me, hate me, play me) i'll be whatever you make me
10.
sylvia plath song 04:37
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this is a song for sylvia plath. 3, 2, 1. "you're clownlike happiest on your hands feet to the stars and moon-skulled" head in the clouds feet up there too i disconnect when i'm with you missing person, someone find me, free me from this world that treats me so gently "by the roots of my hair some G-d got hold of me" he grabbed me and i could not flee i felt empty i felt weightless i felt rootless i felt groundless I FELT NOT OF THIS WORLD LIKE SOMETHING G-DLY HAD ENTERED ME I FELT LIKE ASHES I FELT PLUMMETING DEEPLY ONCE AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN i felt something G-dly enter me and then i knew that we were all the same i look on kindly at the clouds and trees i know that once they were just like me.
11.
no darkness 06:07
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there's no darkness there's only light there's no darkness there's only bright NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENS to me NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENS to me NOTHING EVER HAPPENS to me I'M NOT REAL I'M NOT REAL I'M NOT REAL I'M NOT REAL I'M NOT REAL I'M NOT I'M NOT REAL AND I'VE KNOWN IT ALL ALONG (I'M NOT REAL) I CAN'T BREATHE AND I'M TIRED OF PRETENDING THAT I CAN i miss you i miss you i will miss you *oskaloosa - hidden track* i'm taking the train to oskaloosa the first chance that i get i'm taking the train to oskaloosa the first chance that i get don't know a thing about the place but it's calling me don't know a thing about the place but it's calling me they tell me 'there is no train to oskaloosa' 'there is no train to oskaloosa' i think i'm losing it i think i'm losing it i think i'm losing it i think i'm losing it there's loads of staircases in my dreams recently i'll have to climb them to figure out what's underneath alright. i guess that's it then.

about

cassette tapes available from hunkofplastic records.

this album is about my experiences with mental health + religion; about coming back from the edge through what can only be described as divine intervention, and the misdirected delusions along the way.

it's heavily inspired by folk music like bright eyes, elliott smith, neutral milk hotel and nick drake, as well as bladee, carissa's wierd, duster, mineral, casiotone for the painfully alone, pageninetynine, the microphones, and 44.caliberloveletter, as well as my new delay pedal.

entirely my own production apart from music by deaddigital, inc. (deaddigital.bandcamp.com) on track 8, and interpolated lyrics from bladee (track 9) and sylvia plath (track 10).

it's dedicated to the memory of mik and mick, two departed father figures, as well as all my dear friends that have supported my art + encouraged me: my parents, luke, oscar (x2), marcus, rhys, jake, ray, adam, ash, alex, evelyn, cami, alfie, lana, polly, kenny, stan, marlo, roman, ronan, luci, ezra, al, phoebe, elise, marcie, kathryn, isa, kairi, brandon, lorna, nick, nicolas, zj, geth, jack + everyone else i've ever made eye contact with (lists like this always make me nervous)
and most of all i would like to thank the Eternal who makes all art possible :)

credits

released September 12, 2021

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